If I Had to Decide Again💭

It has been a while since I last wrote a blog. Life has felt different lately. I have been in a season of feeling lost and trying to understand myself. Honestly, I did not feel as though I had anything worth sharing because I was not even confident in my own decisions.

Still, I am grateful for this season of my life. It has been difficult and painful, but it is teaching me a great deal. I am learning more about myself and, most importantly, growing closer to God. Lately, I have been thinking about how often we pray for God’s guidance, only to take back control the moment we make a decision. We tell Him, “I’ve got it from here,” and when everything falls apart, we run back to Him. But that is a story for another day.

Today, I want to share something else. While reading an article about me and risk-taking in Shoutout LA, I was reminded of the first major risk I ever took. At the time, I had received a scholarship to study communications abroad. It was something I had dreamed about for years. The opportunity offered everything I wanted: the chance to live in a new country, meet people from different cultures, and study a subject I genuinely loved. Around the same time, I applied for a job that sounded exciting, even though I did not fully understand what the role would involve. I passed the writing test and completed the interview, but I did not hear anything afterward.

Meanwhile, the scholarship deadline was approaching, and I had to decide whether to accept or decline the offer. Should I choose the dream that had been clear to me for years, or take a chance on an opportunity that was not even guaranteed? I told myself that I would choose the job. If it did not work out, I could apply for the scholarship again. Then I discovered that it was the final year the scholarship would be offered in its fully funded form.

Suddenly, I had to choose between two very different paths. One was a dream I had carried for years. It was clear, exciting, and secure. The other was something new, uncertain, and unfamiliar. To make matters even more complicated, I had not yet been offered the job. Still, something inside me refused to let go of it. I remember walking out of the interview and telling my friends, “I think I got it.” I could not explain why, but I left the room feeling as though I belonged there.

So I declined the scholarship. A few days later, someone I had met during the interview told me that he had been contacted and asked to submit additional documents. I had received no message. For a moment, I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Strangely, though, I still felt at peace.

Then, two days later, my phone rang. “We have been trying to reach you,” they said. “We realized that we accidentally entered your phone number incorrectly. Congratulations. You’ve been offered the job.” Thankfully, my decision did not betray me. For a long time, I waited for the day I would regret turning down the scholarship. That day never came. I have remained proud of the choice I made.

What I could not clearly see at the time was that studying abroad was not my only opportunity to pursue the field I loved. With time and financial stability, I could still invest in my education and follow that dream in another way. Of course, I sometimes wonder what life might have looked like had I chosen the other path, and I believe that is only human. But I do not regret the decision I made.

Today, I think I would approach such a major choice differently. I would not rely solely on my instincts. I would sit quietly, read Scripture, pray, and wait for the gentle voice that brings peace and direction. For most of my life, I have been fiercely independent and determined to stay in control. I like to have everything planned and to make sure I do not miss any opportunity. Recently, however, I have been learning to slow down, be patient, and allow God to lead my decisions.

I once heard someone say that we often try to make God fit into our plans instead of allowing ourselves to fit into His plans for us. I have not stopped reflecting on that. I have realized that I trust His direction more than my own. Three years later, God confirmed that decision in ways I could not have imagined at the time. There is a unique kind of peace that comes from knowing you are exactly where God wants you to be. I now realize that asking God for direction is not enough. We also need to ask Him how to walk through the decision once it has been made.

Now, Let me ask you: When you are making an important decision, do you ask God for guidance? How do you hear or now it's God?

And after you have made the decision, do you remember to ask Him to show you how to walk the path He has chosen for you?