LOVE BEYOND ILLUSIONS

In this digital world, there is immense pressure and confusion about who we are, what we want, and what we should be giving, especially in relationships.

Today, let’s talk about love.

We scroll through TikTok, binge-watch Netflix, and start believing that the perfect love stories we see there are what we deserve. When you break up with your boyfriend, your friends rally around you, calling you a queen, telling you that you deserve better, just to make you feel better. But often, they forget to look at both sides. What if, in your relationship, you were the villain?

I remember a friend once telling me about her terrible breakup and how awful her ex was. Coincidentally, I knew the guy too. Later, he confided in me about his side of the story, painting a completely different picture. When I brought it up with my friend, she hesitated but eventually admitted that some of what he said was true. That moment changed my perspective forever. From that day onward, I decided that instead of simply comforting someone after a breakup, I would help them reflect on their role in the relationship’s downfall. Because accountability is just as important as healing.

So, let me ask you this: Are you loving your partner the way they need to be loved, or the way you want to be loved? Or worse, are you loving them the way you saw in your favorite Netflix romance? Are your expectations based on what truly fulfills you, or on what your friends say they receive in their relationships? And most importantly, are you in a relationship because you genuinely love your partner, or because you are afraid of being alone or missing out on what everyone else seems to have?

Love should be real, not a filler for loneliness. Get into a relationship because you see something special in that person, not just because they happened to be available at the right time. Learn what makes your partner feel loved, and offer them that love intentionally. Likewise, communicate what makes you feel loved. Do not expect them to just “know” how you feel, what hurt you, or what needs to be done. People see things differently, what might be wrong in your eyes could seem perfectly fine from their perspective.

Know yourself. Be honest about the differences between you and your partner, and work together to bridge the gaps. Love is not just about finding the right person, it is about learning how to love them the right way. 

Change your false assumptions. If you believe “all men are cheaters” or “all women are manipulative,” you will unconsciously look for reasons to prove yourself right. Your mind will filter out the good and focus on the bad, reinforcing your belief.

Do not jump from one relationship to another without healing. Take time to reflect, to understand what went wrong, and to work on yourself. The patterns we refuse to acknowledge will repeat themselves.

Healing allows you to see love clearly, without the weight of past hurts shaping your expectations. It helps you choose a partner with wisdom rather than desperation. Because real love is not about finding someone who fills a void, it is about two whole people coming together to build something meaningful. Choose love with intention, not desperation. And when you do, nurture it with understanding, patience, and communication.